Thoughts on the bus #1

When you are on a bus, without company, either you’d sleep or have an empty mind. So maybe I’ll start writing from now on. Well, my mind is still empty, but hey at least I write something.

This morning is all about heartbreak. No, I won’t whine about my life, it’s a boring life, like yours, and like
everyone else’s. I’ve just realized this morning, that what I’ve been doing so far about this particular thing, let’s call it X, is just a delusional thing.

X is not a real thing, not the product that I wanna build, nor a car that I wanna drive, nor a purpose that I wanna deliver. This X is a momentum of feeling. X is a great thing, the most wonderful thing that I’ve experienced in months. The best part of my life in SG.

But X is not for everyone, not for me and many other people in particular. It is not right technically, morally, spiritually, or you can name everything that define your standard of correctness.

Again, it’s the best part of this working in SG life. It made me more energetic. It released more dopamine than cigarette, alcohol, or sex can do. But just right after midnight, the brain just took over. It’s just a freakin delusion. I thought that X would lead me to a beautiful nirvana in this hectic vibes, but it’s not, and it won’t, ever, period.

Then, why it took me months to realize? Maybe, deep in my mind, it’s not because I don’t know that it’s wrong, or that it’s just a temporary feeling that I should let go right after it jumped into my pool of awareness. Maybe, this mind, for no specific reason, just want to experience the heartbreak from this X.

Our mind is amazing right? Not in the way it grows intelligence, but in the way it handles emotions. This is something that AI (artificial intelligence) won’t have. It won’t experience heartbreak, because logically it should be avoided.

So, anyway, do you have this kind of X? What’s your X?

Bus 198. Jurong West – Ayer Rajah

Feb 27, 2017. 09:25

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